Dear God, what happens in and under the name of “God,” I do not know how to pray. One would think I would know how to do this by now, but I am afraid I do not. I am afraid the vocabulary and eloquence to address the Divine eludes me. I am afraid I lack the ability to properly respond to the insistent call of God. So I begin this prayer with the humiliating proclamation that I do not know how to pray.
Dear God, I agree with Jack Caputo and his accomplice Meister Eckhart when I pray that, dear God, rid us of God.
Dear God, rid us of the God of this selfish and entitled religion. Rid us of the God whose omnipotence is so impotent that he falters, flails, and throws an infantile tantrum at the slightest objection or protest to his religion's status quo. Rid us of the God whose followers behave the same way.
Dear God, rid us of the God of Red Cup Christians, so insecure in their faith that they need and demand capitalist corporations to affirm and confirm their beliefs. Rid us of the God that has perverted Jesus' teachings to sell our possessions and give our money to the poor into a right to waste that money on overpriced and superfluous First World extravagances.
God rid us of the God of equal measures, balances and ledgers, retributive justice, and the economics of salvation that stand in opposition of the unconditional impossible that is love, hope, and the gift.
Rid us of the God of the status quo. Rid me of the God that says my characteristics just happen to be normative and anything otherwise is deviant. God rid us of the God that separates and condemns the oppressed, the forsaken, and the lost. Rid me of the God that conveniently hates all the things that I hate.
Rid me of a God that hates me as much and as frequently as he loves me. Rid me of a God that I am terrified of and terrified to love. For what would it say of me to love such a God?
Dear God, rid me of the God that expects perfect prayers, wondrous worship, and exotic exaltation. Rid me of the God that cares if I don't know how to pray. God, rid us of all other Gods and gods that we have set up to take your place, for we find them more agreeable than you and your unconditional, ridiculous, obscene, and stupid love for the other.
Finally, dear God, rid me of the God of intellectual hubris. Rid me of the God that allows me to speak in such accusative, dismissive, and derogatory language. Rid me of the God that makes me certain of my uncertainty and arrogant in my theology.
Dear God, this is my prayer, which I do not know how to pray.
Dear God, rid us of God.